Bike thief: What? What's the problem?
Me: My bike is on your balcony.
Bike thief: What are you talking about? What bike?
Me: The pink bike that's sitting on your fucking balcony. It's my bike. Now I've already called the police, they've been here and filed a report. I just want my bike back fucking now.
Bike thief: Well you can come take a look at it but how do i know it's yours?
Me: Because I have the keys to the lock! [I insert keys into lock and it pops open] There, are you satisfied? Now bring it out of here.
Bike thief: I'm not going to bring it downstairs!
Me: Why the fuck not?! You fucking brought it up here. Now get it down!
[Bike thief, an ugly bitch wearing a tacky poly-blend dress, petulantly drags the bike down the stairs]
Bike thief: [as I am walking towards the door] Well aren't you goign to say thank you?
Me: For what, bitch?!!
What a fucking asshole! At least you got it back. People are jerks.
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